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      1. 如何挽回说不爱你的他

        2018-06-04 01:27:05 | 发布者: 道心情感

        摘要:以心换心的年代已经过去了,你要在花花世界掌控一个男人的心,你需要更多的经历和历练。




        你好,我是心予,用心给予,幸福有你!擅长用男性心理分析感情,比男人更懂男人。


        这样的男人,值得我去挽回吗?


        这是我最常听到的一个问题,或者说,绝大多数前来咨询情感问题的人,在将她与自己的男友/丈夫的故事完整的回顾一遍、尝试寻找问题在哪时,大多会如此愤慨地提问。


        这样的心情,我当然完全理解。感情一旦出现问题,往往是两个人的共同责任,当你终于能够冷静下来看待问题时,很有可能发现是对方占据主要责任,而现在要花费精力主动去挽回的却是你,这实在是一件难以让人平衡的事。


        而我要说的是,如果你真的这样认为,就大错特错了!你之所以会有这样的想法,其实还是因为你没有搞清楚你为什么要挽回、为什么会找到我,又为什么会与他出现问题。


        你可能看过许多挽回的方法论,却从来没有深入思考过这个问题,现在是时候正视它了:你之所以要挽回,其实完全是为了你自己的精神状态和现实生活,完全是你自发且自私的行为。


        你一直以来的不平衡,其实是因为你把挽回这件事当做“拯救他”、“再给他一个机会”。然而事实却是,他才是决定离开的那个人,他不需要这样的“机会”。你不得不承认,是因为他离开之后你的精神饱受折磨,甚至现实生活受到了巨大的影响,这令你不堪承受,只有让他回来,填补你感情的需求甚至是物质生活的需求,你才真的有可能感受到确确实实的幸福。


        你不能接受今后的生命里没有他,不希望你原本拥有的财产遭受损失,你担心你们的孩子没有一个好的成长环境……不管出于怎样的理由,你都要铭记这一点:在你还爱他的时候,挽回就是你自己的事情,而不是为了他!


        看到这里,你应该知道为什么需要去挽回他了,这是属于你自己的选择,不要太在意其他人的看法。


        真实案例


        琳琳(化名)与丈夫结婚6年,两人经历了异地恋、家庭阻碍与现实经济压力的种种……最终成为了彼此的归宿,并且已经育有一个可爱儿子。

         

        本来幸福的日子应该一直持续,可琳琳与丈夫之间,还是悄悄发生了一些变化。

         

        琳琳的丈夫是做生意的,琳琳是一个全职主妇,直到半年前,丈夫的产业受到了竞争对手的冲击,出现了连续的亏损。

         

        男人在这种时候,难免意志消沉,丈夫经常失眠,甚至连续生病。

         

        琳琳看不下去这个自己深爱的男人操劳成这副模样,琳琳对丈夫说:“现在咱们也稳定了,实在不行我也是可以去上班的,你不要压力太大了!”

         


        这些好心的安慰,却触碰了丈夫心底的那根弦,丈夫认为琳琳觉得他不中用了,可琳琳明明是好心,哪里受得了这个气呀?于是两个人大吵了一架。


        争吵后,两人迎来了冷战,丈夫经常都不回家,这让琳琳既气愤又伤心。她其实也知道自己可能伤了男人的自尊,可这个男人之前对自己是那么的宠溺,这点事情不应该吵吵就过去了吗?为什么他现在这么绝情?

         

        冷战到第二个月,琳琳终于熬不下去了,她主动低头联系丈夫,可苦苦哀求也没有换来丈夫的温柔,而是出现了这样的对话……



























        其实是想让各位明白一件事:他绝情的原因,其实根本就不是你认为的那样。你总以为是某些事件,或是某些话语刺激了他,实际上,那只是压垮骆驼的最后一根稻草。

         

        琳琳就是一个典型,她以为这次无关紧要的争吵导致了丈夫现在这样的态度,所以当丈夫说出那些绝情的话的时候,她自己也从侧面认定了“不爱了”的说法,于是两人都找不到真正的原因,矛盾只能一直累积下去。

         

        可琳琳几乎已经死心了,我无法说服她让我们介入帮助挽回,不过,她答应试试跟我学习与老公的相处之道。

         


        我才给琳琳上了一次课,就已经明白了她所面临的真正问题,当她再次找到丈夫,双方心平气和的交流了一次。琳琳这才明白,原来困扰丈夫的根本就不是这次争吵,而是他觉得生孩子之后的夫妻生活实在太机械,双方之间没有了激情,生活就只剩下工作和回家睡觉的两点一线。

         

        这次生意上的失败虽然对他造成了打击,但其实他也想趁此把生活的重心从工作转换到家庭,他以为琳琳能够了解他,谁知因为琳琳一句善意的安慰,造成了他心中压抑情感的爆发。

         

        搞清楚了问题,挽回就简单的多了,虽然这个情感纤细的男人还有些下不了台,但琳琳已经知道怎样做了。


        学习的重要性

        很多人来找我帮忙挽回,第一件事都是先要改变自己,认识到自己的不足,有些冥顽不灵的总是抗拒改变,这种人说实话,基本不会成功,即便是成功都是侥幸的,因为原因很简单,你认为自己非常完美不需要改变,没有缺点,这已经是你最大的缺点。以心换心的年代已经过去了,你要在花花世界掌控一个男人的心,你需要更多的经历和历练。



        提升


        你通过学习提升的不仅仅是你对爱情的一些技巧,而是把你的整体素质情商都提升了,你将会遇到更多不同圈子的人,你将会打开你人生新的相遇,你接触的人不再是低情商的人群,你会与高智商人群接轨,这才是你应该有的思维。

         

        挽回里面的二次吸引就建立在这个之上,只要你的准备充分,你完全可以利用好自己改变以后的优势去吸引他,其实更多的情况是你改变了之后,他会主动屁颠屁颠找你,因为你的层次不一样了,他从俯视你变成了仰视你。

         


        当然,这和你的个人努力是绝对分不开的,你付出了多少就会得到多少,可能你的付出不是及时看到效果,但是我可以告诉你,你的付出一定会让你看到惊喜,机会是留给有准备的人的,我相信你就是这个人,今天起,让自己积极起来,别再意志消沉了。

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